A friend recently asked me, ‘is family therapy a thing for adults?” I laughed, because I frequently work with adult families, but that question made me aware that most people don’t even know its an option. The short answer is yes, it’s a thing.
Adult Family Therapy can be incredibly helpful for families dealing with a variety of difficulties, including:
Family estrangement- when one family member begins to stop communicating with either the family as a whole or with another family member.
Cultural/religious differences- between parents and children, between siblings, or even with in-laws or grandparents
Financial difficulties- oftentimes money can complicate relationships, especially when one family member is indebted to another, or when there are class differences within the family.
Physical/Mental illness- this can easily drain the resources of the whole family
Addressing pain from the past- sometimes there are events from our childhood or later that can be sticking points, and family therapy can provide opportunities to revisit those moments in a more supportive way.
Bringing awareness and change to patterns- family members can get stuck in roles from their past and continue to act them out as later in life. This is often why may have the same arguments over and over
What does Family Therapy for Adults look like?
To be honest, it can look very different from therapist to therapist, and from family to family. There has been a push in recent decades to allow for more inclusivity, which means that families from some cultures may include the extended family (aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents) and even close friends (e.g. “chosen family” members). Sometimes its a a mom and daughter or two siblings. Sometimes the whole family is unable to attend, so therapy is addressed to a sub-group of the family.
Family therapy allows us to look at how family members affect one another, rather than assuming that one person is responsible for everything that's happening. That doesn't mean everyone shares equal responsibility for past harm, but it does mean we can explore what each person needs and what might be possible moving forward.
Often, a goal of family therapy is to be able to speak authentically with other members of the family in a safe environment. In my experience, the most common issues facing adult families is an inability to communicate honestly and effectively. Many of the tools learned in therapy can be then applied into daily (weekly, monthly, etc) interactions.
Generally, the beginning of family therapy includes creating some goals, and not everyone will be there for the same reasons. It can be healing to hear the rationale behind differing goals, even if it may be difficult to find one singular goal to strive towards.
I want to highlight that it is not the therapist’s job to keep a family together. Sometimes the therapist simply helps a family cope with the grief that may come from not being able to meet individual goals. This too is a way to strengthen the family unit.
In my experience, family therapy is not a quick fix. It is a process meant to go deep, understand, and begin to change the roots of the issues that may have begun more than one generation ago. That being said, it can be an incredibly rewarding experience, with joy and laughter and connection.
Interested in Family Therapy?
I work with adult family members who want to better understand each other, address longstanding hurts, or find a different way to navigate their relationships.
Whether you're a parent and adult child, siblings, or another family configuration, you're welcome to reach out. We can talk about what's bringing you in and whether working together might be a good fit.
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